Rating: 7/10,
I simply couldn't live my life without this gloriously violent slugfest, Its carpenter-esque synthesizer soundtrack, its horrifically nightmarish atmosphere, its wonderfully low-res yet still gory, grisly, and indie-film-like visuals, And of course, the violence, Smashing people's skulls in with baseball bats, Hammers, and stabbing their bloody eyes out with fecking shards of glass has never been so fun.
9. Grand Theft Auto III
Rating: 9/10
Why is it 9/10? Because it's the first 3D GTA, And it's one of the greatest shooty-bang-bang romps i have ever played, With a 70's-inspired Dirty Harry-like driving and shooty bits, It's almost like someone took the campish hilarious violence of the late 90's Judge Dredd/Tank Girl/Lemmings/Carmageddon/The Punisher phase, pissed it through Magnum Force, and shat it out into a wonderful PS2 game. It's also fun.
8. The Punisher
Well, We all know and love Frank Castle, our leather-trenchcoat-clad murdering vigilante bastard with a skull for an emblem, And this is his best(and only good) game to date, Featuring more bang-bang-shooty ultraviolence, Gore, Killy bitz, and even more Dakka. It's very lacking in some areas and gloriously meaty in others. I couldn't live without it simply because it sculpted my opinion of video games as a whole: Yes they can be brooding, deep art forms, But they can also be bang-bang-shooty affairs, Which are still some of my favourite games.
7. The Hitman Trilogy
Remember in the last segment i said about how The Punisher taught me that video games can be a Bang-Bang-Shooty affair aswell as brooding art? This did the opposite, Hitman is a wonderfully dark(And darkly comedic) lovely-looking series in which you take the role of a slapheaded clone created from a bunch of different DNA strands. Remember Hitman: Codename 47 from 2000? No? Of course you fucking don't. I don't mind it myself but it was a blocky, slippy-slidy ragdoll-glitchy WHAT-fest, It was still bloody brilliant, It's not covered here because it's not on Ps2 and as such it can fuck right out of this article, I'll do proper articles on the individual games themselves later, Suffice to say, The Hitman Trilogy defined video games as art for me.
6. Bully.
Remember how GTAIII was up there earlier? Well Rockstar hit the money again in 2006 after the blindingly brilliant GTA:VC(Which isn't on the list because it'd be number 11, Which i'll go into later, When i have time.) and GTA:San Andreas. Bully is a lavishly-made wonderful-looking retelling of an entire school year in the life of Jimmy Hopkins, A 15-year old short-ish kid who's been kicked out of multiple schools before and is now trying to find a place to fit in this barbaric world of school castes. Suffice to say, It is a lovely beautifully-soundtracked teenage romp detailing love, war, and kicking old ladies in the face before jumping ontop of a car and having a brick thrown at you.
5. XIII
Rating: 10/10
Oh sweet mercy where do i begin?! This game is just absoloutely bloody marvellous and it's terribly underrated, You wake up on a beach with a throbbing head and no memory of anything, All you know is a tattoo on your chest saying XIII.. I won't spoil the rest of the plot as it deserves a playthrough, Get it on PC or PS2 and sit down for a whole weekend playing it, It's tough as nails but with lavish Cel-Shaded visuals, A 70's Dirty Harry-style noir-ish plot(That always goes down good with me) and a hilariously fun two-player mode, You can't go amiss with spending five quid on this preowned.
4. Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty
People ask me, Atlas, What kind of horror do you like?
I don't like OOGILLYBOOOGILYBOO horror where a skeleton pops out, I don't like LOLZOMBIES. I don't like Vampires, i don't like being pursued by toddlers wielding gigantic fucking scissors, I don't even like Penumbra.
I love being scared, Everyone needs to be instilled with fear for a brief moment in their sordid lives, My favourite "Induced" fears are the kind of psychological horrors you see in David Lynch horrorfests, Doctor Who's subtle nightmare fuel, Or Hideo Kojima's BLINDINGLY brilliant Metal Gear Solid 2, Where even the player themself is led to believe THEIR LIFE, not just the player character's, is a mass-media lie propagated to the masses by an omniscient group known as the Patriots. That and the main radio-consultant's face turns into a FUCKING SKULL at the end of the game before beckoning you to TURN THE GAMES CONSOLE OFF RIGHT NOW. IT'S A GAME JUST LIKE ALWAYS. With an amazing, Deep plot, An incomprehensible ending, And Hideo Kojima's usual troll antics, It's worth the money, Buy Substance on PS2, But for fuck's sake don't buy it on the now-dead original Xbox like i did or you won't get the free Document Of Metal Gear Solid 2 disc.
This WOULD be single-handedly the number-1 PS2 game ever... But it was topped by the No. 1 spot.. Wait till you see it.
3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Rating: 9/10
This had to rank somewhere, Didn't it? Well basically you're Carl Johnson, A guy who spent five years in Liberty City(From GTAIII) after his brother was killed in a gang hit and has now returned to San Andreas, his home city. But do you really give a shit about the plot:? If you do you'll play it, Otherwise it's an even more amazing Bang-Bang-Shooty Affair than the past two GTA's. With wonderful plane flying, Desert Dirt-Bike riding, And a fucking wonderful soundtrack. I don't rank Vice City above it as i don't have as many nostalgic memories(Because all GTA Discs break the MOMENT you scratch them or blow dust on them. I'll rank VC in a different article..)
2. RESIDUNT EVULLLLL*COUGH* Sorry, Resident Evil 4.
Rating: 10/10
You are Leon S. Kennedy, One of the most BAMF PS2 chars since Naked Snake, You have been sent to NotSpain to rescue the President's daughter from certain death at the hands of a merciless cul-Do you even care? No? Alright then. It's a wonderful NotZombie slaughter affair with chainsaw-wielding spaniard bastards, Shotguns, Mine throwers, And as usual for RE, Terrible voice acting MOMENTS(The voice acting is otherwise solid) With some of the BEST GAMEPLAY THIS SIDE OF A FUCKING NEUTRON STAR It is worth getting, Unless you own a Wii, In which case get the far superior Wii version, As the tin-cased PS2 special edition is otherwise the definitive version.
DO NOT BUY THE PC VERSION IT IS A CROCK OF SHIT. CAPCOM DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE IT ANYMORE.
1. METAL GEAR SOLID 3: SNAKE EATER.
IFYOUHAVEAPS2BUYTHISGAMENOWIFYOUHAVEAPS2BUYTHISGAMENOW
Ahem. Metal Gear Solid 3 is the BEST GAME ON THE PS2, With the most amazing graphics i've seen on a PS2 game in a long time, an amazing plot(With a slight pinch of silliness), A fucking KICKIN' soundtrack, Cinematic-as-all-hell cutscenes(Albeit bloody long ones) Incredifun gameplay, Ball-bustingly great replayability, Massive areas, And an average playtime of 20+ hours, This is the definitive PS2 game, If not the best cinematic game ever made, If you say this game is bad then you deserve nothing but a slow, Incredibly painful death. I have bought two copies of this because i WORE THE ORIGINAL OUT. I loved it THAT MUCH. Buy it.
No comments:
Post a Comment